Normally I would be out tonight, but I waited up for a guy who blew me off (this is a common occurrence in my life) and then got to thinking about how guys don’t actually see me as a viable dating option and only something to fuck occasionally and then I realized that that’s because the only guys I’m attracted to are assholes and then I have to wonder if maybe I was a better person I would like myself more and then maybe other people would like me too? Or maybe, if I liked myself enough, I wouldn’t care how much other people liked me? And would respect myself enough to surround myself with good people? Christ.

 

So how do I be better?

 

I have a lot of people and habits in my life that are toxic to me (I think). Especially the people bit. Hanging out with more carefree people lately has made me realize that my close friends take themselves way too seriously and I, in turn, do the same. I need to learn to play and have fun and not care so much about how other people see me.

 

It is no secret that I suffer from depression and anxiety (particularly social) issues. For once I am not going to dwell on this fact. It’s time for me to stop fucking feeling sorry for myself all the time and using the word “depression” 60 times a day, every day (in my head of course). I want to be one of those people that I make fun of now, who sees joy in everything.

 

So… still the question remains. How?

 

Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day.

 

I want to live by this and focus on the good. So I’ll start with a habit too small to fail. Every day, I will blog (or write down, then blog later if I don’t have my computer) the something(s) good that happened that day.

 

So I guess I start with today…

 

 

The good:

Finally stopped procrastinating (after over a year!) and went to get my Honours form sorted out.

 

 

I guess that wasn’t so bad… 🙂